Sunday, March 03, 2002

Feeling Depressed

God, I am in such a "depressive" funk these days...I'm stuck in this terrible rut and I feel like my life is a big pile of quicksand and I just keep getting caught up deeper and deeper in the mire and I can't get anywhere! I didn't think I was gonna have a bg senior year freak out because I know what I want to do with my life and I'm no more terrified for my future now than I ever am, but maybe this is some strain of the freak out virus. Every little stupid thing keeps going wrong - my computer is completely dead, I go to the gym nearly every day and yet make no progress, my senior honor's thesis is going absolutely nowhere, I've stopped doing homework, my apartment's falling apart, I have no time to see my friends and everyday is like a string of things I don't want to do with no real promise of impending fun and adventure to get me through it. I didn't go to class yesterday because I couldn't work myself into caring that much to actually leave my bed and go to school...I spent the day watching Ricki Lake and that like and lolling about on the futon. I forced myself to go out to the post office and it took willpower of immense proportions.
I need a carrot. I have nothing enticing dangling in front of me to make all this work bearable. The smallest things, like blogging or emailing seem like immensely tiring ordeals. I haven't really responded to any emails in weeks. I can't! I can't write to ten thousand people about the monotony and drabness of my life right now...I managed to force myself to write this entry, and that's about enough for me today.