Sunday, January 20, 2002

Blind Dates and Dating Online!

Why am I forever getting myself into hapless scrapes of Lucille Ball proportions when it comes to romance?

Blind dates are one thing, when you are set up by the mutual friends and its all expected to fail. So then when something occasionally does develop, (a la my relationship with Josh last year), its like a pleasant surprise. But iniating a conversation via email and getting to know someone BEFORE the inevitable blind meeting means that when you meet there's all these expectations that it should suceed, since you already get along so well online. So there's bucketsful more pressure in this scenario than there is when you just get set up with someone.
And this is exactly the scenario I have put myself into, (again). After that whole Jeffrey thing, I should have known better. I DID know better, but I forgot. It's just too much goddamn pressure!

10:50 a.m. this morning: "OK, I'm just gonna email him and tell him I am a big flake face, but I just can not continue this whole shenanigans because there's too many expectations involved and the whole business is making me feel very self-conscious and self-doubting. That's it. Someday I will just meet someone in real life who likes me for me, like that cheesy song about Leonardo DiCaprio gloats, and this whole business will seem silly and unneccessary. Yep, that's it."
12:30: "Got to go print something out at the computer lab, and I can respond to that boy's email from last night....shit - wait - I decided not to carry this on anymore....but I really had things to say about his last email...should I respond as normal and then tack on this break off point at the end? No, that's silly....fuck."
1:00 "OK, open email...there's his....should I respond? Not respond. Respond? Try my luck with him even though its doomed? Nip all the madness in the bud? I don't know. I'll just blog about it and stew in indecision some more."
Now: "Argh. I still think its best to just cut my losses now...there's not much invested, I'm sure he won't care...but that damn overly romantic nature of mine is all whining about missed opportunites, taking chances in the pursuit of love. Oh shut up. I don't know what I'll do, beyond avoid decision making via shopping."